Star Wars, Episode VIII: Di-Vorce Awakens

Okay, so let me get this straight. Not only are Han and Leia split up, the first intergalactic divorce in STAR WARS history. But they also have a son who is seriously messed up as a result of their divorce? Some whiny kid with daddy issues? Maybe daddy wasn’t around enough, out saving the universe, or some lame-o excuse like that. Maybe little Ben-Ben didn’t get a PS4 for Christmas. Leia should have breast-fed. Whatever.


Then this pimply-faced, emo teen goes out and kills his dad, easily the most popular character in the whole series. Coming soon in Episodes VIII and IX: at a family reunion Kylo Ren light sabers Uncle Luke over some potato salad, and then—Shades of Oedipus! —matricide. End the Skywalker lineage forever by killing his mom, too. So much for everything else that came before it.

Thanks, J.J. Abrams. You just ruined my childhood.




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