C2K (CINDERELLA 2000)
(c) 1999 SPS ARR
Cynthia “Cindy” Reilly works in her father’s advertising agency; but the evil Step-Mother, who took over the business when her father died, keeps Cindy as a lowly mail-room clerk while promoting her own daughters to Vice Presidents of the company.
Step-Mother hates the proposed commercial for the Prince Charming Toilet paper ad campaign.
A silly song-and-dance, Disney-fied version of Cinderella with fairy flute music and hammy actors.
“We were hired to update this company’s image,” she screams, “not blow it back to the dark ages.”
Evil Sisters blame each other.
Assistant likes the commercial, says it’s “romantic,” so she’s fired on the spot.
Cindy gets promoted to Executive Assistant, secretary to one of the Evil Sisters.
Storming back to in-house studio, the Evil Step-Sisters fire the entire crew, pointing to them one-by-one:
“You’re fired, fired, fired, and you,” the sugar-sweet fairy godmother, “are so fired.”
Evil Sisters double Cindy’s work.
Cindy goes to a fashion show where her roommate, a gay fashion designer, is having a show.
Prince is there with lawyer.
Prince tells lawyer he wants to sell the business.
Lawyer opposes his decision.
Cindy bumps into Prince at fashion show.
Prince cuddles with models backstage.
Roommate warns her away from him.
Cindy cries on roommate’s shoulder.
Prince gives Step-Mother, Evil Sisters, and Cindy a tour of his business interests, to help them design an ad campaign.
My carriage, a Lear jet.
A big plant in Vermont.
Where toilet paper is tested for Y3k compatibility.
A castle-like country manor, complete with moat, drawbridge, towers, etc.
All the furniture is strangely covered in dust sheets.
Evil Sisters try to seduce Prince that night.
He goes out with Cindy, instead.
Evil Sisters are livid.
Step-Mother grills lawyer for information.
He reveals that the Prince is trying to drive up the price so he can sell.
Prince tells Cindy about his weird family.
A toilet paper shrine/museum.
Cindy suggests an ad campaign.
Designer toilet paper.
Wiping with the classics.
Evil Sisters steal her ideas.
Ads hit the airwaves.
Lawyer and Prince revel in royalties.
Prince takes Cindy to The Glass Sipper, a swanky restaurant.
A reporter takes their picture eating dinner, dancing.
Cindy sleeps with the Prince.
Evil Sisters erupt over gossip magazine.
“Squeezably soft,” says photo caption of Prince and his date.
Headlines from other tabloids: “Prince to marry secretary?”; “Prince and the pauper”; “Paper Prince”.
Evil Sisters dig up dirt on Cindy.
Step-Mother plans smear campaign of Cindy’s parentage
Step-Mother calls reporter.
New year’s eve party is tonight.
Roommate gives Cindy a virtual makeover via computer, and then dresses her in his finest fashions.
She looks ready for the runway.
She kisses him, “You’re my fairy godmother.”
He almost cries, “God bless you.”
Limo picks her up.
Rumors of Cindy’s father’s shady past circulate at the party.
Cindy expects a proposal at midnight.
Prince: “Will you be my… secretary?
“I know, it’s kind of sudden, but I’ll pay you double.”
“What about your wife?.
“I don’t have a wife.”
“No, I mean me, as your wife.”
He laughs, “I can’t marry a secretary.”
They break up.
Cindy leaves the castle, heartbroken.
Step-Mother sabotages Prince.
His business goes down the toilet.
By not marrying Cindy, he crushed a lot of dreams, and everyone stopped buying his products.
Prince out with super model.
She’s a spend-a-holic.
“A seventy-five percent decline in sales in two days.”
“Everybody loves a Cinderella story,” he groans.
Preacher claims Bible toilet paper sacrilegious.
Wiping your ass with the word of god.
Everybody boycotts Prince Charming T.P.
Stock price plummets.
Mathematician claims secret code on toilet paper.
Satanic messages on toilet paper.
Prince loses his entire fortune.
Now the Pauper Prince, he tries to win Cindy back.
Maybe money is what kept them apart, he figures.
But she doesn’t like him, as a poor guy.
“But, I’ve given up everything for you.”
“Yes, including your charm. If you ain’t got the bucks, then you better have the yucks.”
“If you don’t have any money, then you better have a sense of humor. You know, develop some other attractive skills.”
Prince wallows in self-pity until…
Story now becomes a sort of reverse “My Fair Lady,” where Cindy has to teach him how to be poor.
Cindy teaches him:
How to drive.
How to cook for himself.
How to have a sense of humor about things beyond his control.
How to blame the system.
How to find free fun.
How to shop with coupons.
How to hunt for a job.
Prince takes a lowly job.
How to pay bills.
Just like a mixed-up Henry Higgins and Eliza Doolittle, they find love now as equals, both struggling to make ends meet.
Step-Mother has heart attack at meeting.
Evil Sisters are secretly pleased.
Step-Mother on death bed.
Cindy takes care of her because the Evil Sisters are too busy to do so.
Step-Mother asks for Cindy’s forgiveness.
Says she knows that Cindy did all the real work around the company
Ding-dong the witch is dead.
Attorney gives Evil Sisters one million apiece.
But the evil Step-Mother’s will has been recently amended:
Cindy gets $40 million, plus the company.
Evil Sisters scream lawsuit, are evicted from the building by a security guard they abused earlier.
Cindy is shocked; she’s rich. What will this do with her relationship with the Prince?
Back home, she sits down next to her Prince on the couch which they bought together at Goodwill in Act Six.
“How was your day?” he asks, stroking her long, lovely hair.
“Oh,” she sighs, laying her head on his shoulder, “it was OK.”
Will she tell him, or won’t she?
Mr. Jeffrey Storie, Attorney at Law
Decker Jones McMackin McClane Hall & Bates, P.C.